FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
