Kiss
Puke
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
