I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
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