Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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