Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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