when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
