I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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