I love black thongs
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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