She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
