The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
