please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
