This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
