I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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