somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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