i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
