dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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