You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Randomize
