I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
