Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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