Got a toothbrush?
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
