I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
