Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
