Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
