real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I didn't notice because vodka
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
