I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
