Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
