from now on my penis is your penis
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
