Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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