Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
