i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
