WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
