I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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