I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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