you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Let's get the cat blown out
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
