i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
