had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
