This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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