how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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