The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
