She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
