Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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