p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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