I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
