dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
