Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
