At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
