i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
How naked do you want me to be?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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