I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
