Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
The air taste purple.
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