I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
