ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
