I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
