You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
