yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
